Tribe Time

I had the pleasure of traveling to Cleveland yesterday to watch yet another Indians season die before my eyes. Game one of the second to last series between the A.L. Central's first place Detroit Tigers vs. the second place Cleveland Indians. The Indians, after a dominant start to the season, lost their ground and were eventually overtaken by the Tigers in the pennant race. This particular series, regular season clock a-ticking, represents the annual last glimmer of hope Cleveland natives cling to each year. The seats of Progressive Field steadily filled with fans dying to witness the matchup between the only people from either city with jobs. In true Cleveland fashion, they dropped game one and fell to 8.5 out of first place. While it is possible the Tribe could rally and take first in this final month of regular season play, we Cleveland fans know it never works out that way. Rest assured Manny Acta will be taking his team out for pizza and ice cream after game three of this series to lift their spirits and celebrate a relatively successful season. (Extra sprinkles for Grady Sizemore for all his injuries and surgeries, and don't even think about eating that sundae until those crusts are gone, Jim Thome!)

Yet, we keep watching because we're dead inside and have self-destructive tendencies. Cleveland is a very special place. With a long history of mishaps and bad luck, it's spirit and pride that keep that city alive. Every economic decline, buzzer buster, and every douche named LeBron James gives the entire city a reason to give up hope, yet they unwaveringly mutter the city motto, "There's always next year!" Even when next year proves just as fruitless, we stay strong and keep watching for the one season when it all goes right.

That said, I've come up with a plan to turn it all around. If there is one thing to say about Cleveland, they love beer. The plan is simple. Progressive Field must implement a 3 drink minimum for each fan. Topping $9 a pop, this can become a rather large financial burden to put on fans, but hear me out. With the increased revenue, we can afford to get a quality lineup that will earn us our World Series victory. We'll call it "The 2012 Domestic Draft," and we'll reacquire C.C. Sabathia as the first round pick... Hell, if we get really wasted at each game, maybe we could just absorb the New York Yankees as a whole. Instead of drinking away the pain, let's drink away the problem!