People always assume the worst. A few news stories about cannibalism and all of a sudden it's the apocalypse. Pessimists... Just because a story is more prominent in the news doesn't mean it is happening more. In fact, a recent study conducted in my head found that there are on average 350 reports of cannibalism every year in the Carolinas alone. The study also found that babies born in the past week have been exposed to over 50 media references to violent acts during the course of their lifetime... Sure it's not a lot now, but that shit adds up. What kind of world is that to enter? When those babies hit their tweens, pop stars are going to have to eat people on stage just go be noticed.
Hell, at this rate cannibalism is almost a good PR move. Sarah Palin should think about eating a Russian for getting too close to her porch. It's only doomsday until a celebrity does it, then it's a fad. After Kim Kardashian bites a photographer's nose off it's all over. Face it, she'll never do any real time for it. Soon Lady Gaga will show up to the Grammy's wearing a dress made entirely of "little monster" skin and you'll all be hooked. Search engines will be overwhelmed with searches for the best human steak marinades. Try Rachel Ray's, by the way... As a matter of fact, more people will vote for their favorite contestants on American Homicidal and So You Think You Can Lance? than will turn up for the presidential election.
Rest assured, America, the only zombies here are the ones with the remotes. Turn off your TV and get a real hobby! Maybe try zip lining... I mean, draw up a nice relaxing bath with bath salts... Oh I give up!
it's hard to blog with a hoard of undead roamers gnawing on you hands.
ReplyDeleteToo true... Remember, destroy the brain or remove the head!
ReplyDeletethe brain is the best part... invest in a new grill and shish-kabob that shit!
ReplyDeleteI want a pet zombie that I can train.
ReplyDelete