The Art of Blending In

Ladies and gentlemen, if I could please direct your attention to the center of the stage. Tonight's performance is about to begin. This particular interpretation features the thoughts and tales of a Midwest twenty-something seeking answers to the questions nobody should ask. If at any point you feel uncomfortable, exits are clearly marked and booby trapped. Comments and death threats are encouraged in the appropriate venue at the end of each act. Flash photography is strictly prohibited, and the audience is reminded to turn off all cell phone and other electronics that might disrupt tonight's blog...

So I turn 25 in less than 2 weeks. This is about the time people stop looking forward to their birthday, right? A quarter century of countless trials and oh so many errors has led to this moment: typing words that may never be read if not for the use of "booby" in the previous paragraph. I am equipped with literally every experience--every forced laugh, every awkward silence, every broken rubber band, every burned finger, every National Geographic special-- arming me with a lifetime of potential material I could choose to begin with. That said, and absolutely all things considered, let's begin with cuttlefish.

Cuttlefish are by far my favorite of all the mollusks. Believe me, I've given it some thought. Cuttlefish are simply unmatched in the use of camouflage, the art of blending in. They can mimic not only the colors and patterns of a surface, but the texture as well. As with certain types of squid, they communicate  through rapid patterns of color variations, none of which have been deciphered by scientists to date.

Blending in becomes easier with each year. Every breakthrough in technology means one less thing I have to put pants on to complete. Should a cuttlefish happen by my window as I write this, he would see me sitting down, staring at the screen and moving my fingers over the keyboard. Al Gore's internet is an entirely manmade venue, it's subtleties lost on all other creatures... Try showing 2 Girls, 1 Cup to your cat and his or her indifference will prove my point. As humans, we find ourselves in a time when more and more is accomplished by doing less and less. So why bother with the camouflage when you don't need to be seen to accomplish anything? Why can't the cuttlefish just buy a MacBook? Evolution is the key. The thumbless cuttlefish is unable to work a space bar.

The question then becomes "How do I stand out?" With millions of people on the internet expressing their own thoughts, what credentials do I have that demand anyone respect my opinion? None. But I don't need them. I'm a voice among the many, but a voice nonetheless. Along with my generation, I've seen the internet grow to what it is today. It has given us this unique advantage to unite any culture in common interests and activities. We literally have the world at our fingertips, and to this point we've used it for lolcats and pictures of drunk nights. We have something here if we use it right, and that's what I intend to do. I now have a voice without spending a single breath. I'm like Stephen Hawking without all the brilliance. There may not always be a common theme, but these are my thoughts if you care to listen. Stick around a little. You might learn a thing or two!